Rees-Mogg announces he will compete in 2021 Tour de France


Parliamentary curiosity and terrifying oddball, Jacob Rees-Mogg, announced today that he is to enter the Tour de France later this year.

But the North Somerset MP won’t be riding a state-of-the-art super lightweight carbon fibre racing bike. Instead he will compete perched precariously atop an 1880s penny farthing.

Speaking to reporters Mr Rees-Mogg said: ‘I wish to highlight the undoubted excellence and endurance of our most marvellous British industry. Th’Penny Farthing is a timeless classic, and it is my intention not only to compete seriously, no, indeed not. Be in no doubt whatsoever, it is my unswerving expectation to emerge victorious at the conclusion of the race.’

On hearing the news four-time Tour winner, Chris Froome commented: ‘F*@k me sideways with a bicycle pump. The guy’s a nut-job.’

Nevertheless, and undeterred by Froome’s comments Mr Rees-Mogg announced he will further confound expectations, by rather than wearing body-hugging Lycra and a lightweight crash helmet, he will don a herringbone three-piece tweed suit, frock coat and silk top hat.

‘A gentleman must comport himself properly at all times. And this includes the correct form of dress for the occasion. And notwithstanding that, last time I tried cycling in Lycra it chaff’d my testicles most grievously.’

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Posted: Jan 9th, 2021 by

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