Following news that Boris Johnson’s dad has had his 2nd vaccine dose before most vulnerable Brits have had their first, Boris rushed to reassure the public that this isn’t nepotism.
“You know that film where a comet’s about to strike the Earth and all the top scientists and artists are kept safe in a secret bunker, along with art and books and some decent wines? Well, it’s like that”, he said. “My father wouldn’t broadcast this but he’s actually a first-rate philosopher. As for my children, well, they’re all scientists in the making. Various fillies have been vaccinated in accordance with the Top Totty protocols, this is all above board.
“Think of the virus as a comet plunging through our atmosphere on a collision course with our civilisation. Actually, no, don’t think that. Think of it as your friend, helping old people to finally lay their heads down and rest. That’s it! The virus is the old people’s friend, my girlfriends and family are national treasures and we’re following the science. Now you’ll have to excuse me but I’m expecting a delivery of looted art”.