Half a million UK nurses have spoken out in unison to confirm there is no such thing as Covid and that all of this is an epic hoax. In what is being described as a total shock and utterly outrageous by sheeple, the medical profession has come clean and owned up to a global conspiracy.
‘Nursing is easy and well paid, and we just got bored,’ said Nurse Judy Bowler from Leighton Hospital in Crewe. ‘So we started gossiping in quiet ward corners about livening things up a bit. It started with just a few hundred of us last November, and by December other nurses were joining in all over the place. Then we heard that some nurses in a place called Wuhan in China were getting innovative, and they pushed the whole thing to the next level. Without them, this might not have gone global. They really must have needed a giggle.’
‘Doctors don’t have much to do and they get bored too. And they are a total pushover. Just can’t help themselves when us nurses set our minds to it. So they were up for the jape by January. All we had to do then was start leaking lies and numbers no one understands to the press, and they did the rest for us. Naive members of the public started believing it was true, and then the more gullible politicians. The only people we still can’t convince are mega-geniuses online who are smarter than everybody else without even trying, and who really know what they are on about when it comes to everything.’
‘It’s a shame the whole prank is coming to an end, because we have had a right laugh on these empty wards. Wild alcohol and drugs-cabinet-fuelled striptease parties, bed racing, and my favourite, frozen cadaver skittles. We really know which pills to pop to make the high last all week. Oh, well, back to unnecessarily sticking our fingers up old peoples’ bottoms it is…’