At this morning’s press conference Matthew Hancock, standing alongside Danny Boyle, announced the appointment of the London 2012 Olympics Programme Director to head up the National Vaccination Programme for the UK. Mr Hancock said, ‘This is great news and a real coup for us as we now have a world beating organiser to go with our world beating track and trace programme that accompanies our world beating national lockdown programme.’
When asked for how he saw his contribution, Mr Boyle said, ‘It will be epic. We will have a national vaccine link up between the seven new national vaccine centres. I’m keen to start a relay from one centre to the next. So, for example, picture the last 85 year old vaccinated at Bristol’s Ashton Gate stadium. He strides purposefully to the next centre at Millennium Point in Birmingham, brimful of the life enhancing vaccine. He is cheered along the way by virtual supporters and arrives in Birmingham a mere 290 hours later with the next batch of the precious vaccine. Then the next leg and so on until we reach the Excel Centre in London via Manchester, Newcastle and Stevenage. It will create a national mood of unity not seen since Super Saturday at the Olympic Stadium in 2012. Who can forget the joy we all felt when that guy who did those funny hand signs over his head won the 5000m?’
A government source confirmed that the iconic ‘patients jumping up and down on beds’ routine from the London 2012 Opening Ceremony will probably not be repeated as too many of them are still likely to be in need of ventilators.