Fact-shaming – the act of embarrassing people by telling the truth or providing evidence that they are lying – is to be made illegal under new legislation.
“This isn’t censorship”, said Boris Johnson, current PM. “It’s about liberty. We’re freeing our people up to use language creatively, to employ those colourful metaphors and figures of speech which make English such a joy to behold. Fact-shaming is cruel, hurtful and reduces self esteem. Sometimes I’m so stung by the so-called fact-checkers that my ego shrinks to the size of a galaxy”.
“Facts are sinful”, explained Jacob Rees-Mogg. “Only God is omniscient, so to use facts is to imply that one is also Divine. QED. The moral high ground is, quite literally, the moral low ground”.
A new Ministry of Truth will be established to manage the regulations. The Freedom of Information Act will be renamed the Freedom to Withhold Information Act. Exceptions will be made for criminal trials and Weight Watchers meetings, because fat-shaming remains legal.
Homeopathists, politicians and Rupert Murdoch welcomed the news.