Only months after assuming leadership of the Labour Party, Sir Kier Starmer is to stand down to spend more time with his family on Tracy Island. His agent has confirmed he is in talks with Supermarionation to play the part of Lady Penelope, the right-of-centre crime-fighting aristocrat. Furious colleagues now believe his entire political career may have been preparation for a role as an inanimate puppet with a glamorous bouffant.
Rumours of his departure from politics emerged late last year, from beneath a fake swimming pool, after he was spotted wearing a chiffon dress in the back of a chauffeur-driven Rolls Royce.
Sir Kier told the Andrew Marr Show: ‘Look, I have always been perfectly clear about this. We lost the referendum. Now we must put it all behind us and get on with the business of being Lady Penelope.’
According to movie industry insiders he auditioned for the part of Brains but was offered the part of an island palm tree. His new role was only offered to him when Ray Winston pulled out of Lady Penelope at the last minute.