Boris announces 195 post-Brexit bridge deals

Boris Bridge

Post Brexit trade deals will be accompanied by a series of bridges linking the UK with every country in the world, confirmed Boris Johnson today. 195 new structures will be built over the next millennium, all emanating from a purpose built hub in Ebbsfleet, which has already been dubbed Boris Central and a Bridge Too Far by the media.

‘The UK needs to facilitate trade relations with its partners, and this provides the ideal means going forward’, gushed Johnson. ‘Just think of it, all those financial transactions and online trade, whizzing along an 8000 mile cantilevered bridge between the UK and China.’

Johnson admitted that trade and tourist income would only contribute a small part of the economic benefits expected from the bridges. Rather, most of the revenue would be generated through film and TV rights from all the dark Netflix Swedish-style crime dramas that would be inevitably be located on the border points of each of the bridges.

The inspiration for the project is thought to have come from Boris’s father, Stanley, whilst having his photo taken on a wobbly rope bridge in the jungle after being voted off I’m a Celebrity. Carillion are believed to have come up with detailed costings for the project, with a first phase estimated to be around £500 billion, although they have already issued a warning that there may be an overspend as they work out a solution to the problem of the bridge between the UK and Australia having to be upside down for around half its distance.

hat-tip to Oxbridge

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Posted: Jan 19th, 2021 by

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