Donald Trump has issued a full pardon to all members of the A-Team, finally acknowledging that they had been wrongfully imprisoned for a crime they did NOT commit.
The outgoing President delivered a special address to the fugitives from justice. ‘I want to say to you, if you are hearing this, that we love you, we forgive you, and we want no violence. We know you never meant to hurt anyone, that the guns were all for show, nobody got hurt, except the one explosion with that Colonel that every quiz mentions; we know you’ve always been the good guys.
This Pardon is full, and complete, and covers all those nasty allegations that have been made against you. It was all Fake News!
So hey, Faceman, you can get the tests done now. There’s been a lot of allegations, people wanted to know why the cute girls only ever lasted one series, some fingers were pointed but hey, that’s all in the past now, it was a different time, just locker-room stuff. We understand that, I have lots of children too, they are a joy and light of my life.
And Murdoch, we definitely have a place for you in our campaign team, but you’re gonna have to pick a new nickname – that one’s already taken, in fact several times over.
BA, you’re covered too. Unless our investigations find some particularly heavy shit, like parking tickets or jaywalking violations. Cos then you’ve just gotta go down, my hands are tied. Well, actually it’ll be your…anyway, I like jewellery. Not on a man, obviously, but we can respect your choices.
And finally, Hannibal, I say to you, one leader to another – I guess my plan didn’t come together, I can admit that. Some bad guys with a virus, very bad people, they were threatening my village, my people. I tried to build a wall, but walls don’t work with a virus, you know that? So anyway, I got a problem, it’s gonna take four years to fix it, and it looks like no-one else can help me. Maybe we could hire you?
Hat tip Suburban Dad