As ferocious storms rage over a pestilence-ridden nation in post-Brexit turmoil, the fourth horseman of the apocalypse, War, texted to say he couldn’t make it right now, but he’d be along presently and does anyone have a swiss army knife handy?
The news caused substantial ill-feeling in the previously tight-knit cavalcade of disaster, and prompted an immediate urgent team meeting for the Horsemen to each share their feelings and read their own personal grievances. The riders set up a temporary picket for their steeds in a neutral space and had an open and honest exchange of views.
Nosferatu, riding Plague & Pestilence, was keen to explore performance-related pay options as he felt this last year he’d been extremely busy what with inflicting a global pandemic and all, and frankly he’d pretty much carried the whole Catastrophic output. He appreciated the weekly clap of recognition from the other horsemen, but perhaps it was time to actually formalise an incentive structure?
Hellion raised the matter of his purulent saddle-sores from four years of incessantly plodding along on Strife & Famine, dragging Brexit turgidly along. He’d always envisaged a more agile, exciting, light cavalry role for Strife, but he’d have been better off with a Shire Horse or Clydesdale, it was such an dreary, slow and boring plod. However, he wanted it minuted that he had high hopes for progressing some decent food shortages, even if not a full-blown famine just yet, and was already making some headway both in fish stocks and tropical fruit imports.
Tremulgar the Stormrider was fully prepared to recognise his colleagues’ recent achievements, and acknowledged that he’d been relative low profile with natural disaster delivery, but he really felt that was due to the headline-stealing events from Hellion and especially Nosferatu, whilst he’d been keeping a normal background simmer of hurricane, tempest and flood disasters with the occasional Sunday spectacular laid on of a tsunami or earthquake here or there. Plus, global warming has played havoc with his software programming as everything is literally running hot right now, and takes constant adjustment and tinkering. Following on from that point, he did want to know if it was possible for the Apocalypse’s IT budget to be looked at, and revised upwards if necessary?
There were some awkward moments at the close of the meeting when War & Conflict finally limped in, having thrown a shoe in the end and unable to find a blacksmith open en route. His rider, Polivicious, was somewhat defensive when the other three horsemen broached the subject of recent output and contributions to world apocalypse delivery. ‘We have this every bleeding time, don’t we? It’s always the same, you three go in first, stir things up with a few catastrophes and disasters right to the point where the politicians start sinking in the opinion polls and an election is looming, and THEN they whistle me up to come storming in. It’ll be the same this time, just you wait and see…give it six months or so, and public opinion will have them sending for the War Cavalry, you mark my words.