Boris Johnson is considering relaxing Coronavirus restrictions over Easter, according to top secret plans published in every newspaper.
“By Easter, there is a good chance that the third wave will have ended,” the PM may have said, secretly, “and let me be clear that we regard this as a necessary precondition for families to mix over the Easter weekend, and for a fourth wave of the virus to begin.
“Some may say that we have failed to learn from our mistakes in how we handled Christmas, and to these people I say – Easter weekend has two bank holidays! Two!
“We will listen to the scientists, of course, listen very hard, before we do this anyway. Or maybe I’ll do a U-turn and cancel it at the last minute. Who can say? Even if we cancel it, at least we’ll have got everyone so geared up that people will just break the rules anyway.”
Johnson is said to be personally looking forward to the relaxation of restrictions, saying, “I can’t wait to go for a 7-mile bike ride as soon as that’s allowed, which of course it is already.”