Renowned psychologist, Abraham Maslow, has revised his theory of human motivation, to reflect our intrinsic love of knees. Represented in pyramid form, Maslow postulates that self-fulfilment will only be achieved once we have knees that resemble the statuesque beauty of Beyonce, with the firm earthiness of Alan Titchmarsh.
Traditionally esteem would be derived from wealth and accomplishments, but more and more it is driven by our desire for attractive knees. Explained one behaviouralist: ‘If we didn’t have knees, our legs would be far too stiff’.
The ‘Basic Knee’ is both hairy and knobbly, with a rudimentary hinge mechanism – but none of the thrills of The Bionic Man. Sadly, these limited knees are also known to sag and look somewhat ridiculous in shorts.
A colleague commented: ‘The Hierarchy of Knees, follows up from Maslow’s earlier theory that we cared only about the quality of our fermented honey drinks – the Hierarchy of Meads. Or controversially our constant struggle for ever better decorative objects, with a small hole for threading – our Hierarchy of Beads. And who can forget, his exhaustive list of plants in the wrong place – the Hierarchy of Weeds’.