Driving JCBs through polystyrene walls will be kept to minimum, promise Tories


Tory HQ have said Boris Johnsons visit to Scotland will have fewer imbecilic stunts and a minimum of toe curling photo-op distractions than is usual for a visit from the English PM.
Driving a JCB through a pretend polystyrene wall has been kept down to just two, wearing a hairnet while helping to cook haggis in one of Edinburgh’s top hotels is down to one and smoking a kipper has been shelved completely as all the Scottish trawler men have gone bust and their smoking huts turned into grouse shoot hides
The PM will not be wearing a hi-viz jacket at all during this visit but he will be wearing a hard hat at all times while in Scotland.….the last thing the Scottish Tories want is for the English Etonian buffoon to be visible north of the border. That would simply asking for trouble admitted a Tory minion.
‘The hard hat is simply a sensible precaution bearing in mind his popularity this far north’ confirmed Police Scotland ‘the Scots are hardy people. They can tolerate turds in their swimming pools or even a curried fart in a lift….but some fat twat English toff pretending he gives a fuck about their wellbeing is stretching credibility a little too far’.

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Posted: Jan 29th, 2021 by

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