Exhausted dad-of-six Alex Kennington from Walton-on-Thames found a novel way of making a shed load of extra cash by becoming a Multi-academy schools trust. After a heartbreaking late-night session trying to explain fronted-adverbials to his six-year-old daughter, he registered online and was accepted.
“I don’t remember much about the application, to be honest,” said Alex, age 36 (although he now looks about 76). “We had a Tesco delivery at 11.40, so it was beer-o-clock and I just thought, sod it… I’m doing all the teaching now, I may as well get paid pots and pots of government cash to do it.”
Mr Kennington found the application process pretty straightforward. “I thought I’d get found out when they asked about my experience working in education,” he said. “But it turns out if you once presented a PowerPoint, under duress, to three kitchen porters about soup spoons in 2013 you still qualify. The bar is set pretty low.”
Alex now pays himself a £150,000 salary as Head Teacher of 28 Cottimore Lane Church of England Academy Trust. “I put the C of E bit in as a bit of a joke, but apparently it meant my application was fast-tracked. I got the email acceptance the very next morning along with an exorbitant bank transfer.”
Mr Kennington says that the ridiculously high salary is helping him cope with demands of homeschooling. “It hasn’t made me a better teacher,” he says. “If anything, I spend more time outside in my new luxury yurt drinking bollinger. And I’ve dropped fronted adverbials from the curriculum in favour of an unsupervised Frozen II marathon.”