All working-class housing to be made of paraffin wax by 2030


The Government has clarified its policy on the widespread practice of covering tower blocks with flammable material.

“We’ve checked carefully, and none of our investments are affected”, said a spokesman. “Bit of a relief, but it isn’t the only consideration. We also have to think of the impact on the insurance industry”. 

Some observers have questioned the wisdom of building highly flammable buildings in the first place, but the Government spokesman was able to clarify. “Suppose the tower block is in the middle of London. Worst case scenario: serious losses. For Lloyd’s. Best case scenario: complete destruction and a prime building plot opens up. The real risk is in places like the Midlands, where there aren’t any prime locations, just one ghastly pit after another”.

The new building code will recommend all plebeian homes to be fully flammable, which will make the job of site clearance and rebuilding much more efficient. “It’s a win-win”, said the spokesman. “If it’s a location which is on the up we can build something nice. If it’s a dump we can rapidly replace using my new patented kit-building method. Paraffin wax is waterproof, a good insulator and very malleable. Rather like the current Conservative Party”.

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Posted: Feb 3rd, 2021 by

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