The EU “recognise they made a mistake” invoking a Brexit deal clause to prevent coronavirus vaccine shipments entering the UK, commented Michael Gove as he patrolled the white cliffs of Dover, wide-eyed and b*llock-naked astride his trusty hippopotamus.
Chancellor of the Dutchie Pipe of Lancaster, Michael Gove, has failed to deny speculation that his collection of hippopotami became the first animals in the UK to be vaccinated against Covid-19, in retaliation to the EU urging AstraZeneca supply it with doses from UK plants.
Since being gifted a pair of breeding hippos by the boss of a Columbian zoo-keeping cartel, ‘for trusted service’, Mr Gove admits his fascination with the semi-aquatic mammal has spiralled out of control, with upwards of eighty individuals now roaming free in the minister’s constituency of Surrey Heath. Each one has the potential to spread coronavirus to any member of the public contemplating feeding bread to, or wrestling with, if sufficiently p*ssed.
With an editorial in the journal What Virus, claiming that continued evolution of the virus in animals followed by transmission to humans ‘poses a significant long-term risk to public health’, Mr Gove patriotically arranged for ‘Lord Snorty’, the trusty hippo he rides to work on to be the first of his pets to receive the vaccine.
And so it was, brandishing naught but a standard bearing the AstraZeneca vaccine purchase agreement rippling in the stiff sea breeze, that a red, white and blue-faced cabinet minister and his army of Covid-cured Columbian marching herbivores repelled the marauding EU bureaucrats into shameful retreat. Ne’er again to dare come betwixt sovereign Blighty and her insatiable appetite for drugs.