Footballer ordered to go shopping for following Covid restrictions

Dubai Mall

A high profile Premier League footballer has been criticised by his team-mates and club because of his seemingly uncontrollable urge to follow government Covid-19 restrictions.

The player’s club issued a statement: ‘It’s come to our attention that a player on our books, known as @StrikerTony9, has been negligent in his obligation to self-promote whilst arbitrarily observing lockdown restrictions.

‘The player in question fully admits to enduring the comfort of his partner and children and the sanctity of his family home for prolonged periods, often participating in home-schooling and basic maintenance tasks. The club, therefore, feels it necessary to send the player to Dubai for ten days, shopping and grooming, with a bunch of mates, posting his activity every hour on a variety of platforms.’

News of the digressions rocked the world of football and players reacted with swift condemnation: Newcastle United’s Joelinton, who was fined £200 for breaching Covid restrictions after he recently posted a photo of himself getting a haircut, commented: “Big fella knows what he’s not done.”

Manchester City’s Benjamin Mendy, who cemented his reputation as a profile footballer recently by flying a lady over from Greece for a four-day intimate quarantine, has muted all the disgraced player’s social media accounts, stating: “It’ll be time before we Tik Tok again.”

@StrikerTony9’s agent, Paulo Guevara, spoke in support: “My client has only his own best interests at heart. He wishes it to be known that he wholeheartedly apologises for diminishing his social media credibility and bringing zero activity to his club’s online presence.  He assures me he takes the responsibility of being a role model to the younger generation seriously, and will never again allow his credit card or hair to rest.”

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Posted: Feb 6th, 2021 by

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