I’ll wait for the vaccine made from Matt Hancock’s tears’, say Brexiteers

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A consequence of stirring nationalism for political gains by the Conservative Party is rearing its divisive head in the fight against Covid-19. One GP has stated that he is aware of more than ten people who have turned down the Pfizer vaccine in order to “wait for the English one”, experiencing comments, such as: “I want that one made from ketchup plasma”, and “Will it make me speak German?”

The issue first arose after the Oxford/AstraZeneca vaccine was approved for use in the UK. Boris Johnson hailed it as “a triumph for British science” with Matt Hancock adding: “it’s the Billy Elliott of boosters.”

Reports followed claiming Downing Street had attempted to get doses of the Oxford vaccine labelled with the Union Jack and packaged within a stick of Blackpool rock – a request that was ultimately rejected.

Dr Barry Smith, currently working on a new one-shot vaccine, said the development of coronavirus vaccines was “an international effort. To promote it as being the product of one country, like Champagne or black puddings, is nationalism.” he added. But fearing the problem of nationalism may escalate, Dr. Smith quickly added: “But er, the vaccine we’re currently developing at our Buckingham Palace-shaped laboratory at Stonehenge is fundamentally based upon the purified essence of Matt Hancock’s tears. They are well known to be of a sincerity powerful enough to combat any contagion. Comes in red, white, and blue too.”

With an obvious lump in his throat and on the verge of producing more vaccine, Mr Hancock added: “My sincere hope is that I can protect every UK citizen as fast as I can and at the same time shed a few extra pearls for those around the world that aren’t lucky enough to live in our land of hope and glory. And if I can make a few extra quid selling them, then so much the better.”

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Posted: Feb 8th, 2021 by

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