Exports of wishful thinking down by 68%, say hauliers

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The Road Haulage Association has warned that vast amounts of rose-tinted glasses and crossed fingers have been held up at UK ports by complex paperwork. Producers of rabbit’s feet, four leaf clovers and horseshoes have been particularly badly hit.

A spokesperson for the Haulage Association said: ‘Michael Gove said our members would be drinking milk and honey with the gods in the sacred fields of Elysium, but instead the queues are so long we’ve been forced to drink our own urine.’

Mr Gove insisted the hold-up is only temporary and that soon every lorry driver in Great Britain will be accompanied by a dusky maiden bearing libations of honeyed ale and KFC bargain buckets. Exports of wishful thinking suffered a further setback when Liz Truss drove her Reliant Robin van off the white cliffs of Dover. The Secretary of State for International Trade died while trying to save a rolling truckle of English cheese and will be remembered as a true patriot who gave her life for cheese, whisky and spam.

According to an eyewitnesses her last words were – ‘Don’t worry, I totally meant to do thaaaaaaaaaaaaat!’

The government has dismissed Liz Truss’s demise as a minor setback and insist she would have survived the fall if only she had completed her paperwork before landing on the beach.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2021 by

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