UK terrorism threat level lowered to ‘substantial’ – like a pub meal

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Britain’s threat level has been downgraded to that of a scotch egg or basket of cheesy chips. In line with their guidance on Tier 2 eating, any terrorist activities must have the nutritional value of a full English breakfast.

The Home Secretary revealed that we were safer but no safer than on a work-lunch at Wetherspoons. The public should continue to remain vigilant just in case someone suggests a cheeky Nando’s.

Her spokeswoman said: ‘Terrorism remains an immediate risk to our national security, but so is a meat stew encased in an inedible doughy crust. A ploughman’s lunch may seem innocent at first, but before you know it, you’re ordering toad in the hole and bag of Semtex’.

Previously the threat level had been at severe, which is the equivalent to eating raw chicken while on a high-fibre diet. By contrast, a ‘substantial’ threat could still include bombing or an all you can eat Carvery.

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Posted: Feb 9th, 2021 by

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