Failing to use the word ‘staycation’ correctly will be punishable with a sharp slap round the face with a wet fish from today, in a move that everyone frankly hopes will put an end to years of blatant misuse of the term.
‘This new law simply puts into effect what everyone has been screaming at travel journalists and newsreaders for the last few years’, indicated Judge Judy-Rinder von Jury today. ‘Staycation means you are staying at home, IN YOUR OWN HOUSE during the holiday period, instead of going ANYWHERE ELSE APART FROM YOUR OWN HOUSE INCLUDING THE MANY OTHER LOVELY PLACES IN YOUR OWN COUNTRY for a holiday. We do hope that is clear.’
The first victim of the new law was journalist Oliver Smythe, whose feature in the weekend travel section of the Daily Mail advised readers on the ‘Top ten staycation destinations in lockdown Britain: from glamping in Dorset to a camper van round Skye’.
Wiping his face down after a sharp hit from a piece of mackerel, Smythe remained confused: ‘So, Queen Victoria isn’t the original ‘staycationer’ with her seaside trips to the East Coast? The Chipping Norton set aren’t making staycations fashionable again by booking up villas in Rock? I’m going to have to write some new copy’.
The punishment comes as a further blow for Smythe, who has just completed a jail term for repeatedly calling a vacuum cleaner a Hoover and an article on ‘How to remember your PIN number for use in ATM Machines’.
‘What I’m left with is a Frankenstein of cobbled together rubbish,’ said Smythe. ‘For all intensive purposes, its literally the end of the world for me’.