Lord Walney, ex-Labour MP and ex-alleged sex pest, has been tasked with weeding out the radical elements of radical groups, with the aim of making them more appealing to corporate sponsors. Groups who are demanding seismic societal changes, will be instructed to focus on more realistic goals, like changes of font size.
A spokesman said: ‘We’ve recommended the Women’s Institute become men-only, the Teachers’ Union only recruit school drop outs and we’ve asked Amnesty International get on board with torture.
‘If environmental groups want better press coverage, then need to be more pro-oil and fracking. Likewise, if the BLM movement could focus a little more on all the wonderful things slave owners did for us, I’m sure we’d all sleep better’.
The report concluded: ‘Black Lives Matter would be far less angry, if it was just full of rich white folk’. Lord Walney was quick to point out from his own experience, that he had a lot more success as a Labour MP the moment he started voting Conservative.