Last month Glastonbury organisers took the difficult decision to cancel the festival for yet another year. Now, after considerable public outcry, they have reversed plans and revealed an exciting new ‘Festival of Brexit’ rebrand.
‘We want to tap into the amazing mood that’s transforming the nation: one that’s newly independent, united and proud to be British,’ said the Culture Secretary. ‘It’s about Britain doing what it does best. Which is wave flags, get lost in the moment and plug our ears with the sounds we love.’
Plans haven’t been officially confirmed, but it’s understood that the fields of Somerset will be swapped for the sunny uplands of Kent so that ‘Europe can really see what it’s missing’. Leaked blueprints suggest that the famed Stone Circle will be moved too, reimagined to reflect St George’s cross.
Headlining will be Brexiteers Morrissey and Nigel Farage, with a non-ironic medley of ‘Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want’, ‘Let’s give ‘Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now’ and ‘Panic on the streets of London’. Glastonbury founder, Michael Eavis, could not be reached for comment, but it is understood that he’s seething with excitement.