Microscope fails to find one morsel of moral fibre in 43 Republican Senators


The most powerful microscope on the planet, called the Really Totally Big Microscope, has been unable to detect even the wafferiest theeeen sliver of moral fibre in the vast majority of Republican Senators. Professor Emily Hooper from MIT confirmed, ‘Waffer theeeen is absolutely a scientific term used by world-leading microbiologists to refer to very small or narrow things like, for example, former US Presidents’ minds.’


Admitted one senator: ‘It’s not as if Trump himself is a Republican politician – he only pretended to be one because Republicans are so dumb that they’d vote for an undercooked ham if it had a stamp of an elephant on it. But I’m the kind of guy decent, God-fearing Americans can count on to maintain loyalty to a puddle of yeti cum if I thought it would earn me one more dollar of campaign funding.’

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Posted: Feb 16th, 2021 by

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