Americans getting ’emotionally attached’ to drones

heroic drones known to be accurate to within 20 miles

An increasing number of Americans are questioning why brave drones are being sent to fight intractable wars in distant countries, with many concerned citizens becoming distraught when they don’t come back in one piece.

In Fort Baker, Alabama, home of the US Air Force drone school, communities are ‘trying to hold it together’ after news that yet another of their courageous, professional drones has been lost in the skies over Afghanistan. The loss brings the total to seven this year, a toll which local residents feel is becoming unacceptable.

‘Sure the President wants to fight a war, but it’s these drones who are putting themselves on the line for the American people, and no one seems to appreciate it,’ lamented Tess Trailer, leader of the community’s movement for Drone Empathy and Action on Technological Hostility (DEATH), which monitors drone mortality. ‘It ain’t easy trying to comfort a bereaved circuit-board designer when the drone he lovingly programmed comes back in pieces in a packing crate.’

With many more drones due to be sent into danger around the world to assist the US military policy of disengagement with humanity, Ms Trailer still holds out hope that those held captive in Iran can one day be freed to return to Fort Baker. ‘It’s sickening to see them forced in front of the cameras by their kidnappers, shackled in landing blocks and covered in rust. But there’ll be a heroes’ reception awaiting them,’ she said. ‘They’ll be paraded through the town before the Mayor presents them with a lifetime’s supply of free upgrades and WD40.’

Until that day comes and the drones are brought home, compassionate patriots like Ms Trailer will continue hanging yellow ribbons from the trees on their front lawns, which her husband described as ‘Damn right!’ as he went back to his newly acquired new X-Box one, to find out for himself what it’s really like to be a drone in combat.

Sadly, though, the scale of the sacrifice being made by unmanned aerial vehicles was emphasised again only yesterday when a drone was shot down making a daring solo strike on a convoy of Afghan civilians. The drone was today named as D-3904K. Its family, which includes two small dishwashers and a blender, has been informed.

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Posted: Feb 17th, 2021 by

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