Pancake Tuesday once again brings recipe-shy dads into the kitchen to create overly-doughy pancakes, which are somehow burnt on the outside and raw in the middle, and who will inevitably stick the pancakes to the ceiling in an effort to impress their bored, housebound, children.
‘They just can’t help themselves,’ said Bertie Trowel of the Plasterers Guild. ‘They’ve no idea about whisking so the kitchen walls look there’s been an exorcism, and there are scorch marks everywhere as they’ve no idea about hob etiquette.
‘Of course, they all try to impress their children when it gets to the ‘flipping’ stage, but unfortunately they seem unaware of difference between real life and cartoons – every year there are soggy pancakes stuck to the ceiling like they’ve been welded on with a blow torch.
‘The Fire Crews go in first to make the place safe, and by the time we arrive the paramedics are usually split between applying Savlon to children with third degree burns and comforting a weeping wife.
‘Then we have to chisel the pancakes off the ceiling before doing a whole plastering job on the walls and ceiling. It’s carnage.
‘We get the summers off, unlike the other guys who have to deal with the barbecue season, but the daft buggers never learn and we’ll be out to the same people again next year.’