‘Six-thirty! Six-thirty in the morning! How is that anything like reasonable?’ fumed Mr Ian Duncan, a part-time organic yoghurt blending specialist from Manchester and currently a ‘guest’ in a government approved hotel.
‘Four security guards woke us up, told us to get dressed, put hoods over our heads and dragged us off to the hotels’ football pitch sized meeting room. I can stomach shelling out £3500 for ten nights imprisoned in a grim room with third-rate food and snipers on the roof, but this was completely unnecessary. I didn’t even have time to finish reading yesterdays Sun on the bog, or put out the chip pan fire.’
‘It was terrible,’ agreed his wife, Abigail, confirming they’d returned from Dubai for work reasons. Mrs Duncan is an essential brand fashion consultant, advising Geordie Shore fans whether a thick gold chain or plate-sized earrings would look better matched with envy-inducing dayglo pink jogging outfits.
‘It was a professional development event with some motivational speakers going on about sales enablement, driving consistent somethings and game-changing thingamajigs in the marketplace.’
‘I can’t see how visionary mindset empowering can help stop the virus, but I have to say the tea and sandwiches were quite nice, and at least we picked up some free pens, so we can now fill out our complaint forms.’