According to research, if turtles carry on using plastic bags at this rate, the ice caps will totally melt by the middle of next year, and the world will run out of plastic. Leading naturalist, Sir David Attenborough, said it was about time turtles were held accountable for their actions and took some responsibility for saving a planet they seemed hellbent on wrecking.
‘Personally, I find the turtle to be a slippery customer,’ he revealed. ‘Apart from being hideously ugly, they’re also at the centre of widespread child abuse allegations after thousands of their offspring were found abandoned on a beach. Let’s face it, who in their right minds would trust someone who spends all day basking in the sun and lives in a chavvy shell suit?’