The Chinese state World Health Organisation has released its findings into the origins of the coronavirus.
Reading from a sheet prepared for him by President Xi Jinping, blindfolded Who mission chief, Peter Ben Embarek, said they’d flown to China and spoken to some Chinese people. They then visited a lab and a seafood market in Wuhan. Mr Embarek confirmed that according to new maps, satellite imaging and comprehensive data given to them by Chinese officials, it appears that Wuhan, far from being in China, is in fact, somewhere else and not in China whatsoever.
‘If Wuhan is not in China as the Chinese authorities and experts have proved beyond all reasonable doubt, then clearly the whole thing is not their fault. The focus of our attention is now on somewhere else, somewhere, possibly a bit Taiwenese sounding; maybe even El Salvador or Charlie’s Chocolate Factory, but most definitely somewhere. Although we still think it’s likely it originated in bats or pangolins which are possibly more indigenous to Taiwan than a confectionary factory.’
Before responding to suggestions that the whole thing is one big fat cover-up, their bodyguards swiftly bundled the delegation of scientists and fast food entrepreneurs into a fleet of large SUV’s. They were then driven at high speed back to a Government approved re-education facility and escorted to their cages.