Latest opinion polls show the great British public is backing one of the worst death rates in Europe. Reacting to the shock findings by YouGov and Ipsos MORI, Sir Keir Starmer promised to start killing more elderly people, especially in Red Wall areas. Boris Johnson has enjoyed a steady increase in support since he masterminded a cheeky 20,000 deaths in nursing homes.
A spokesperson for the Labour Party said: ‘These polls clearly show we are too left-wing. If we are to stand any chance of returning to power, we must look at new ways of killing people. The left in our party must face up to the reality that people have very short memories. And furthermore, people have very short memories.’
Responding to the unexpected poll ‘bounce’, a group of Tory MPs has called on the PM to publicly urinate on corpses in a hospital morgue while telling hospital staff they are all fired. They have dubbed this Operation Grenfell, just for bantz.