Furloughed worker can’t quite remember what his job is


Philip Stevens, 36, from Camberley, has admitted that he is terrified that Chancellor Rishi Sunak might announce the end of the furlough scheme in this week’s budget speech.

Stephens was furloughed on 11 April last year and has been enjoying the 80% salary but cannot for the life of him remember what it is that he actually does for a living. Having spent the last 11 months playing with the kids, doing DIY and walking the dog 12 times a day, he has liked it so much that he has forgotten everything in his life before COVID-19.

‘I’ve no idea what it is I do,’ Stephens said. ‘I’ve looked through all my emails but there’s no clues. I’ve been through my wardrobe and there are no uniforms, brightly coloured, ill-fitting polo shirts or particularly cheap polyester suits. I’ve even looked through all the kitchen drawers and there are no hairnets, badges or lanyards. There’s not even a big bunch of keys. I really starting to panic now.’

‘I even went for regression therapy but that didn’t help. I discovered that I was an important courtier during the reign of Louis XIV and that I was a galley slave at the time of the eruption of Vesuvius, but I’ve no idea what I was doing this time last year.’

A spokesperson for the Government said: ‘This is a common problem and not just with ordinary people. Boris Johnson and Matt Hancock can’t remember what it is they are employed to do, either. Some civil servants had a meeting to discuss telling them but decided it would be better not to, given that Priti Patel seems to remember her role well enough.’

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Posted: Mar 1st, 2021 by

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