Sir Keir Starmer has outraged voters in the former ‘red wall’ constituencies by his latest policy change on the EU by suggesting that the UK should adopt a novel approach that would leave the it simultaneously inside and outside the Union. Under ‘Brexin’, the UK would apply to rejoin the EU, but those Britons who do not wish to will be permitted to remain outside the EU and continue to enjoy the successes of Brexit.
Under the new arrangements, many of the Government agencies that deliver public service would be split into two parts, one serving Remain voters and one serving Brexit supporters. Thus, for instance, the Passport Agency’s Remain section would issue a red EU passport as it did until last year, enabling holders to travel freely across the continent. The Brexit stream would issue blue (well black actually) passports, which will enable holders to travel to the EU, but not work, live or retire there. Those with a blue (sorry, black) passport would also be required to queue at the EU entry points.
There would be separate supermarkets for Remain and Leave voters, with the Remain supermarkets having the range of products to which we are accustomed. The Leaver supermarkets though would have predominantly UK products, with empty shelves where you could expect out of season fruit and vegetables and with products imported from the EU being either out of date, considerably more expensive or both.
The NHS too would be split, with the Remainer version staying critically underfunded, while the Brexit NHS would be equally underfunded (they didn’t really expect the £380 million a week did they?) but would also have only white, British-born staff. Labour believes that this new policy could offer everybody what they want, without having to have another bloody referendum on it. When asked for a statement, however, Labour refused to commit.