Horsemen of the Apocalypse overstretched, states spokesman


Death, CEO of Four Horsemen Enterprises, states that he and his colleagues War, Famine, and Pestilence want to re-negotiate their contract with God, it has been announced.

“When we first started out in our consultancy role we were quite happy with the terms and conditions,” said Death. “All the souls we could consume and time in hand. However, we did not expect the exponential increase in the workload. We were holding our own with War and Famine doing most of the heavy lifting for centuries. However, from the beginning of the Twentieth Century we have been overstretched with the increase in Pestilence’s workload. It is just ridiculous.”

Asked for a comment, a spokesperson for Heaven Unlimited said “we are listening to what Death has to say. The Holy Family is saddened to learn the full extent of how challenging the last few years have been for the Four Horsemen. We are entering into private discussions with them.”

An undisclosed source said that he expected the contract would be awarded to Serco like every other fecking thing on Earth.

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Posted: Mar 12th, 2021 by

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