Bez agrees to be Vice-Chancellor of University of Manchester


A former member of the Happy Mondays has agreed to take charge of the University of Manchester. The previous Vice-Chancellor, Prof. Dame Nancy Rothwell, is currently serving 10 years for possession with intent to supply. Mr Bez, who sprang to fame as lead tambourine player for the iconic group, was initially reluctant to take the role. After a fair bit of ‘ead wobblin, he said the idea was essentially sound and that he was well mad fer it. His first day in the job was marred by disappointment when he turned up at Doncaster University by mistake.

Students passed a unanimous vote of confidence in their new Vice-Chancellor. Bez won 98% of the three online votes cast. It is thought Netflix scheduling and a special offer on Diamond White may be behind the low turnout.

Mr Bez’s first official appointment was to open the newly built Haçienda Library. He told reporters: ‘This place will twist your melon, man. The staff are loved-up and there’s strobe lighting and dry ice everywhere. It’s connected to that internet thing. Fock me! I wish they had e-libraries when I were a kid.’

The head of English Literature at the University of Manchester welcomed the Vice-Chancellor. She said his appointment was mint, bangin’, dead good, n’ shit like that.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2021 by

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