Five hundred officers were called upon to break up an illegal gathering of Martin Dukes (32) waving to his mother Agnes (65) in Finsbury Park. Using water canons to disperse the two, Metropolitan Police were keen to administer a proportionate response, which was a swift kick to the stomach for Agnes and a Taser to the bollocks for Martin.
The couple had agreed to meet and exchange a bunch of flowers, flowers which are now serving a 10 year gaol sentence for disturbing the peace. In full riot gear, police were able to separate the two, by planting evidence that they were both members of a mother/son terrorist cell, in league with Moriarty and Dick Dastardly.
A Met spokeswoman explained: ‘Our main priority was to protect women, which is why Agnes needed to put in a spit hood, hit over the head with a truncheon and then dragged in for questioning…I mean dragged in for protective custody.’
Asked if she thought the Met had been too violent, she replied: ‘I doubt it, Agnes wasn’t Black or Irish’.