New evidence reveals victim of pigeon sh*t chased pigeons as a child

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In a case being heard at Croydon Crown Court, lawyers representing the pigeon charged with defecating on a man outside Croydon M&S submitted a defence of loss of control.

This is the first time this defence has been used in a case such as this. Historically the defence argues the act of defecation was in some way ‘lucky’ for the victim.

Lawyers for the pigeon submitted evidence proving the victim had chased the defendant’s great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather around a park 24 years ago.

This, it was argued, traumatized the defendant’s relative to such an extent that, in subsequent generations of pigeons, a grudge was embedded in the subconscious.

The prosecution conceded their client did recall chasing pigeons in Fairfield Gardens as a child, on occasions he was taken there by his parents. However, he denies chasing them with any malice, but rather childish wonder.

Irrespective of intent, the defence countered, the accused, being estranged from his family, was wholly unaware of his conditioning. Therefore, when he saw the victim leaving M&S, and loosed the offending load, fulfilling the grudge, he acted involuntarily and without premeditation.

Comments and replies on social media were cited as examples of unthinking, sometimes involuntary, harmful sh*t spewing that has been accepted as the direct result of conditioning by the same very social media sites they appear on.

The jury was told by the judge to consider if the defendant could now be held accountable and to consider a reduced charge of defecation without intent.

The trial continues Tuesday.

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Posted: Mar 15th, 2021 by

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