Judge rules that ‘personal truth’ not quite the same as actual truth


Today, the High Court was thrown into disarray when notorious bank robber, Harry Holman (46), offered as his defence his own subjective reality, in clear contradiction with the fact he was caught exiting a bank, wearing a ski mask and carrying a bag marked swag. Mr. Holman said that his personal truth was that he was only passing by and that any fingerprints found at the scene of the crime were attributable to his identical twin brother – of whom no record exists.

The Judge explained that Mr. Holman was not entitled to make things up, particularly the part about him carrying the sawn-off shotgun ‘for a friend’. Harry replied he could not prove with facts that he was innocent, but it was something he ‘felt to be true’.

His lawyer responded: ‘My client’s lived experience was that he was home in bed when the crime occurred and that the CCTV footage of him is merely an illusion created by an oppressive neo-liberal patriarchy. Any Semtex found about his person, was just a coincidence’.

One Civil Rights group was quick to defend Mr. Holman’s view of events, including his claim that he found £50,000 down the back of a sofa. Said a spokeswoman: ‘I invited Mr. Holman to speak to our members about his struggle to have his voice heard. Sadly, he could not attend, and he was too busy breaking into my house’.

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2021 by

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