QAnon conspiracy theory leads to increases in public indecency

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Police across the UK are struggling to cope with increased numbers of calls from worried dog owners about the risk that their pets are about to be stolen by an underground gang of dog dealers.

“Every day, we get reports from people of men driving transit vans looking for dogs to steal,” said an officer from Barking CID. “Often these turn out to be cowboys pretending to be plumbers or electricians in order to steal your dog. They will even go to the extent of filling their van with plumbing equipment, or even set up a company to lull you into a false sense of security.”

Last week, Councillors at Wooferton in Shropshire were accused of being part of a dog stealing gang after dog owners spotted strange yellow markings appearing on the roads outside their homes. Fearing this was a code to advise the dog thieves of the houses in which there were dogs, residents contacted the local police.

“It’s a conspiracy and they’re all in it. Even the police,” said a resident who wished to remain anonymous. “As soon as we reported it to the police, they told the local Council, who came and dug the road up and destroyed all the evidence. That’s not a coincidence is it? But at least they filled in the potholes, which is something to be thankful for”.

“There’s loads of it about,” said another concerned owner, Elsie (76). “Last month, when we had the snow, every car that drove past me did so really slowly, while I was walking my dog. They were checking him out. Most of them drove off really quickly when I started shouting at them and hitting them with my walking stick. But one man got out and stole my stick from me. The police even threatened to arrest me for criminal damage. Can you believe it”

“Now when I go to take my dog for a walk, I leave him locked at home. You just can’t be too safe. I don’t take my stick anymore in case someone nicks it again. In fact, I daren’t even wear clothes for fear they’ll be stolen.”

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Posted: Mar 16th, 2021 by

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