Sauron started with c*ck-rings


Tolkien academics have unearthed a draft manuscript, where the self-styled Lord of the Rings, indulges in fetish metallurgy. In the Fellowship of the Toe Ring, Sauron is caught offering the seven Dwarf-lords bespoke cock rings, a selection of leather masks and codpiece made from Orc hide.

In the early version of the book the Eleven-kings had gaudy cocktail rings and the Nine Mortal Men ‘doomed to die’ have concealed nipple rings, with matching tassels. It was only after a note from his editor, saying ‘J.R.R stop freaking everyone out’, did the author opt for a more traditional ring and removed all reference to Harry Potter. He wrote…

‘One Super Bowl Ring to rule them all,
One lump of bling to blind them,
One fat fake gem to impress the girls
And looks like a magpie designed them’

The character of Gollum was said to be obsessed with body piercings and ran a disreputable tattoo parlour, from a grotto under the Misty Mountains. The Tolkien estate have denied such claims but did concede that Prince Faramir was originally called Prince Albert.

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Posted: Mar 18th, 2021 by

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