ITV today announced an exciting new mini-series which sees Home Secretary Priti Patel and head of the Met Police Cressida Dick team up as a diminutive crime fighting duo.
‘Alongside ‘Ben Shepherd’s Life of Rachmaninov’ and ‘The Dancing on Ice A-Z of Leg Fractures’ this promises to be the highlight of our spring schedule’ explained Kelvin Young, ITV’s Head of Derivative Gibberish at a press screening earlier today.
‘It’s absolutely packed with thrills and spills and has all the gravitas you’d expect from a show in our prime time serious evening drama slot (sponsored by Chambourcy Hippopotamousse)’
Young also praised the great chemistry between the duo. ‘They’re the original odd-couple. In that it’s odd that Cressida Dick is still the Head of the Metropolitan Police and it’s very odd that Priti Patel has any kind of career in public life whatsoever.’
Esteemed members of the press, and the Daily Express, were today treated to a preview of episode one. It features Patel fighting off a group of protesters from desecrating her sacred statue of General Pinochet while Dick bravely orders the bludgeoning of six pensioners demonstrating against cuts to local library services, after the clank of their knitting needles is found to exceed the prescribed decibel limit.
The show also explores the complex backstory of each character. Dick, for instance, is seen to be haunted by the ghost of a Brazilian electrician from her past. Asked whether Priti Patel would also be troubled by the consequences of her actions Young replied ‘No that would be too unrealistic, even for ITV’
The show faces stiff competition from other channels though. It is likely to be scheduled against BBC1’s ‘Go Home with Theresa May’ which sees the former Home Secretary driving around in a van shouting at anyone she deems to look like a swarthy foreigner, and Channel 4’s Celebrity Naked Attraction with David Blunkett, which doesn’t bear thinking about.