Rick Astley started Bristol riot, say police


Violence erupted in Bristol last night when pop star Rick Astley announced the release of his new single Never Gonna Give You Up (Part Two). Angry youths took to the streets demanding the song be banned in what police have dubbed a ‘1980s style retro-riot.’ Several Ford Cortinas were overturned and burned, and people with big hair and shoulder pads were chased and set upon. Several police officers drew their batons and were later taken to hospital with repetitive strain injury.

Mr Astley denied knowing his new song would lead to civil unrest. He took to social media to appeal for calm, promising a full judicial review of his entire back catalogue.

Chief Constable of Bristol, Chris de Burgh said: ‘It’s just like the good old days. I grew a moustache especially for this riot. And I must say, I’ve never seen rioters looking so lovely as they did tonight. Mind you, 2011 was a real banger!’

Sociologists have blamed the riot on a heady mix of rising youth unemployment, the closure of a coal mine in Cumbria, ponchos coming back into fashion, and Rick Astley.

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Posted: Mar 22nd, 2021 by

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