Army cut to 18th century levels as government pledges war chest for new muskets

17th Leggings

The government has defended its decision to cut the British Army to levels not seen since the 1700s – and vowed to spend 23,000 guineas on state-of-the-art muskets and blunderbusses.

Defence Secretary Ben Wallace said the country’s military needed to reorganise to face new threats from overseas, notably Prussia’s expansion across Europe.

In his quill-inked Defence Command Paper Mr Wallace said the country’s aging stock of trojan horses – snapped up from a Turkish car boot sale around the 9th Century BC – would be phased out and replaced with real ones.

But he admitted soldiers wouldn’t be able to hide inside the new horses as space would be limited due to their internal organs and intestines.

He said: “We need to do more with less; we can’t go back to wasteful days of the past.

“I mean, look at the Grand Old Duke of York. Ten thousand troops at his disposal just to walk up and down a hill. He didn’t even break sweat!

Just like the current Duke of York.”

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Posted: Mar 24th, 2021 by

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