Harrowing tales of junior investment bankers being “treated like nurses”


In an interview with the Guardian today, a Goldman Sachs junior banker has spoken out over 18-hour shifts and low pay. “If I’d wanted this sort of a lifestyle I’d have gone to work for the NHS,” said the banker, who asked to remain anonymous.

This comes off the back of the revolt in US offices last week, from junior staff who were fed up with long hours, poor pay and low quality prostitutes. “Making the base salary of £50,000 last until bonus time is hard enough,” said the banker, “but you must also factor in the working conditions – demanding tasks like sending emails, long meetings, and corporate lunches. These things really take their toll.”

In response to these complaints, the government has immediately arranged for a “Clap for Investment Bankers” initiative as well as a public screening of The Wolf of Wall Street to be projected onto the Houses of Parliament.

“We must commemorate these brave souls who work tirelessly to further enrich the wealthy”, said Chancellor Rishi Sunak. “I was disgusted to learn that some of our junior bankers were earning only around £20,000 more per year than professions like teachers, nurses and social workers – literally the scum of society. Often they have barely enough left each week for a gram of Columbian nose candy. Well, that’s all about to change.”

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Posted: Mar 25th, 2021 by

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