‘People wishing to visit a pub when lockdown measures ease will need to show they are wearing Union Jack underpants,’ said Prime Minister Boris Johnson today. The PM told fellow Conservatives that the final say would not be down to ‘individual landlords’ and the initiative was neither optional or negotiable.
‘As from 12th April anybody not wearing Union Jack underwear will not be allowed inside restaurants or pubs. Those who oppose the idea clearly hate the UK and should not be allowed in a pub anyway,’ insisted Mr. Johnson, ‘and the only way to prove you are wearing Union Jack underpants will be to either drop your trousers or lift up your skirt.’
Some publicans welcomed the ‘pants for pints’ idea saying they would do whatever it takes to get their doors open, noting that revealing your underwear is much easier than carrying ID or downloading an app to prove you have been vaccinated and can be done at the door.
The government is to promote the policy with a new slogan: NO PANTS…NO ENTRY….NO STELLA’.