Katie Uthman (37) has finally escaped from a virtual gaol, where a two-tick verification was the only thing that gave her life meaning. This followed two whole years of being forced to experience a running commentary of the minutiae of every painstaking moment from the group’s mediocre lives – distilled into photographs of brunch and kitten memes.
Said Katie: ‘I don’t even know how I got there in the first place. A friend of a friend added me to a list of people interested in either college reunions or Byzantine architecture, I’m not sure which. Just when someone posts a 90’s mixed tape for a party we seem to be organizing, someone else spams images of stone columns from Constantinople’.
She initially tried, unsuccessfully, to leave the group inside a wooden horse, dressed as John Mills from the Colditz Story. Then finally escaped through ‘Charlie’ tunnel – which was essentially her pretext that she had upgraded her mobile phone and forgotten to reinstall the App.
‘My mobile storage is now crammed with photos I don’t want, of people I don’t know. There are dozens of unread messages on a never-ending thread, about who knows what?’ Asked if she missed it, she replied: ‘Hold on, I’ve just got an Instagram message. Can I get back to you?’