We’ve had a long, hard think about it, and we have concluded that should we go ahead with a Covid passport plan, it would be some sort of inked tattoo on the penis,’ said an upbeat Prime Minister Boris Johnson today. ‘Then Chris Whitty pointed out that some of the population don’t have penises, so we’ll have to come up with something for those weirdos.’
The main reason for the proposal is that Boris Johnson’s lead PR advisor is convinced this will garner the most media coverage, which is the most important thing in government decision making. However, Downing Street is impatiently awaiting opposition leader Keir Starmer’s position on Covid passports, so that they can say they are going to do the exact opposite just to piss him off and send all the lefties into meltdown.
Meanwhile, the right-wing press is chomping at the bit to go berserk in favour of the PM’s Covid passports idea. This is partly due to the uptick in coverage from wall-to-wall pictures and videos of genitals, but also because they can’t wait to stir up generational division between those vaccinated and those not.
Ultimately, the media plan will be to pivot to a position where they are both milking the left teat of clickbait hatred generated between young and old and the right teat of hatred towards those nasty, terrible, unpatriotic passports.