Under the Modern Witchcraft Act (2021), it became a capital offence to claim to understand the plot in the current series of Line of Duty. The first to be burned at the stake at Smithfield Market will be Dr Carole Smythe, a 38-year-old academic from Cambridge.
On a tape obtained by a DI from AC-12 posing as a cleaner at her workplace, Smythe was heard to say: ‘It’s obvious really. PCC Sindwhani being H is a complete red herring. AC-12 will find nothing on him or DCC Wise. We already know DCI Davidson is corrupt, now she is working on DS Fleming to manipulate her into thinking DSU Buckells to be guilty of orchestrating the assault on PC Jatri at HMP Moss Heath and that he leaked the identity of the CHIS because he’s in league with the OCG.’
‘What you should really be asking yourself is why DI Arnott is still in touch with DI Corbett’s widow and whether he has worked out the £50K he found in her loft came from the money DCI Hastings gave her that was taken from the £100K that he was given to him by corrupt former officer Mark Moffatt when the ex-DCI was part of the plot to frame Hastings as H and that QR code that flashed on the screen shows that some senior figures want to replace Hastings with him PDQ and ASAP. I wouldn’t want to spoil the series by telling you the answer to that, but it’s not difficult to work out.’
After the end of Episode 1, it became clear that the only way anyone could understand the plot was by consorting with the hell-born spawn of Lucifer. The Government acted swiftly to rush the Act through Parliament. Police have carried out a number of surveillance operations based on information from public-spirited citizens about friends and relations claiming to know.
Civil rights groups have criticised the rush to execute Dr Smythe, given that there is no actual proof that she summoned up the Evil One prior to Sunday night’s episode and was witnessed marking essays by several colleagues. However, Jed Mercurio said: ‘I haven’t a f*cking clue what’s going on and I wrote the bloody thing. Burn her! Burn the witch!’