A man who likes to think of himself as “handy in the kitchen” has once again obliterated the fuck out of his dipping cheese.
Theo Hogg achieved the new landmark days after boasting to friends that he had mastered the Sunday comfort-food-and-wine combo.
But now he’s finally admitted he has a problem.
“One minute, I’m carving a majestic cross in the top like I’m Gordon Ramsay; the next, I’m scraping cheese intestine off every part of the fucking oven.”
Head of the Brie de Meaux Dongé family ‘Sébastien’ confirmed there is a long-running conspiracy.
“The baking process is too long for the hapless chef to wait around in the kitchen, but too short for him to get into three full episodes of The Wire by which time the oven looks like some kind of cheese Somme, lôôôôôôôôl”.
Mr Hogg has since moved onto baked Camembert, which will no doubt have a much-improved outcome for all involved.