Village in turmoil as plumber arrives on time

fixing the taps, but leaving a huge question mark over the space-time continuum

The small Dorset village of Fromley has been thrown into turmoil in recent weeks after a local plumber carried out a series of small jobs in a punctual, efficient and inexpensive manner. Many villagers have been left confused and are struggling to come to terms with the situation.

Margaret Taylor, a 38-year-old Fromley housewife was the first to notice that something was amiss three weeks ago. ‘Our downstairs toilet wasn’t flushing properly so I called a plumber called Kevin Hobbs I’d found in the Yellow Pages and he said he’d be round the next morning at 8,’ she said.

‘On that basis, I set my alarm for 10 to have a lie-in, but I was woken up by the doorbell bang on 8. He fixed it in ten minutes and charged a very reasonable call out fee, I went back to bed and when I woke up later I thought it must have been a dream but, no, the toilet was flushing perfectly.’

Seventy-four year-old retired mechanical engineer Jack Armstrong similarly reported that when his bath waste was leaking, he called Hobbs, who came round exactly when he said he would. ‘When I offered him a cup of tea, he said “No thanks, I’ll be gone in ten minutes” and fixed the problem straight away, I’d stocked up on Hobnobs especially, but he didn’t even want those. I’ve been all around the world with my job but I’ve never known anything like this.’

Local vicar the Reverend Paul Stanley has sought to lead the community in their time of need. ‘My church has never been so full, people are searching for meaning in their lives and a miracle like this has proved to many that there is a God. “Rejoice!” I tell my flock, “for the Lord moves in mysterious ways, much like a plumber but generally less expensive.”

However, Hobbs’s strange antics are causing many to re-evaluate their lives. ‘If we can’t even rely on plumbers being late, what about the other supposed certainties of life?’ asked Mrs Taylor. ‘My 16-year marriage crumbled in a matter of weeks after the plumber turned up on time, because my husband had an existential crisis. Well, that and because I let the plumber shag me on the kitchen table – I didn’t want the situation to get TOO weird.’


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Posted: Apr 7th, 2021 by

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