“We are going to have to learn to live with the Conservative Party,” says Whitty

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Speaking at the latest government Coronavirus press briefing, public health supremo Professor Chis Whitty warned that society would have to come to terms with the Tory Party, as it will be with us for many years to come.

While many had hoped that the agony and disruption of the last year and a half of Boris Johnson’s government was merely a phase, Professor Whitty suggested that the effects of long Bojovid will be more difficult to shake.

Citizens may face a recurrence of the Conservatives in the winter months when the cold and dark allow right-wing ideas of isolationism and individualism to spread more easily. The elderly are most at risk of exposure, he said.

“I’m afraid we have to face it,” said Whitty, “the Conservative Party is here to stay. Once it has a foothold in its host, this parasite is virtually impossible to shake loose – particularly in vulnerable areas like Hampshire and Kent.

Despite dreams of a sharp dose of electoral reality to bring the country out of its Torified stupor, scientists confirm that a vaccine like the one which successfully eradicated the Liberal Democrats is a long way off.

One pundit cautioned, “The Labour Party has no antidote to the poison seeping from Number 10. Without meaningful opposition, the Toronavirus is likely to overwhelm all four corners of the UK. At this stage, only Scotland has managed to build up any form of herd immunity.”

Although the news appears depressing, analysts affirm that given time, the public can acclimatise to the Tories’ lingering presence. The latest strain tends not to generate such a visceral reaction in those above forty. Although women and ethnic minorities may suffer disproportionately from its adverse effects, Conservative voters don’t care about them anyway.

 

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Posted: Apr 8th, 2021 by

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