Government celebrates Barnard Castle Day with a 264-gun salute


A year ago to the day, the outstanding bravery of a selfless government adviser captured the hearts of a nation.

The 12th of April 2020 was the day that will forever take pride of place in the annals of Britain’s long and proud history. Forget the overhyped exploits of that geriatric Sir Whatshisface codger who walked around his garden a few times to raise funds for an already well-funded NHS and garner some self-publicity.

No, the Heroics of Dominic Cummings were on a completely different level. Without any regard to either his or anyone else’s safety, he drove his wife and child to a derelict town up north called Durham. Somehow they survived the rigours of virus-infested motorway service stations, sub-zero temperatures and random Northern types.

A government spokesman said that Barnard Castle Day was the new glorious 12th. “It boosted morale and helped make Boris Johnson our most popular prime minister since Holly Willoughby. We’re hoping that from 2022 it will be declared a national holiday.”

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Posted: Apr 12th, 2021 by

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